Schlitzed
So, I was outside of the Ale House smoking a cig with Street Jimmy. We were discussing how mathematics can provide a glimpse into the harmony of the universe when two girls walked by us and into the bar. These ladies were by far the nicest looking women I had seen all night and my eyes followed them through the doorway to where Hawkeye was waiting to check their IDs. I finished my smoke and wrapped up the conversation with Jimmy.
Once back at my seat at the bar, on the corner near the door, I immediately looked to see where the ladies had deposited themselves. Unfortunately, the girls were way down at the opposite end of the bar by the TV. The place was totally packed, so I decided to wait them out to see if a better opportunity to introduce myself would present itself. It was a short wait. After only a couple minutes, I saw them making their way through the crowd toward the exit.
Since my seat was right there and I found one of these vixens to be especially pleasant on the eyes, I decided to go for it.
“Hey! Where you going?” I said with a smile as they passed.
“We have no cash and the bar is cash only.” The one I liked replied.
"Are you coming back?"
“Doubtful."
“How about I buy you a round and we talk for a minute. I'm sorry but you are the most beautiful girl I have seen all night and I really would like to talk to you before you go." That got her. They decided to stay for a drink and Bartender Mike brought them two Schlitz pints. I liked it that they ordered Schlitz, the good stuff.
They were college students from the University of Michigan in town visiting family. My girl, Kate, studied communications and psychology. We got to talking and I mentioned something casual about how Trump is ruining America. This hit an unexpected cord.
“You voted for Hillary didn’t you?” Kate said.
“Of course I did. She would’ve been a great president.”
“They all stink. Obama didn’t do one good thing. He is the loser that got us here.”
"What?!? You must be kidding. Obama is the most consequential president of my lifetime.” Silence. "He did pass healthcare for goodness sake." I added.
"He didn't do anything on healthcare that wasn't him, that wasn't new-” this line confuses me.
"Are you kidding? Pre-existing conditions? If your child gets leukemia or any other health nightmare, at least you don't have to sell your house and go into bankruptcy to get them the help they need- that is a huge step forward."
"Obama didn't do that. He didn't think that up on his own,” She’s defiant and getting animated now, but still looking really good as she does.
"Well, maybe Roosevelt came up with the general idea sixty years ago, but Obama made it happen. It’s called Obamacare for a reason. When do you think the idea to end slavery and give blacks civil rights started compared to when it happened?"
Silence.
"It took a hundred years after we went to war over it before LBJ made the civil rights reforms happen- so, I think you should at least acknowledge who is responsible for pushing these things through, no?"
"It wasn't Obama. And healthcare cannot only be for the rich.” Then, she added, “Are you poor?"
"No, I'm not poor." I’m getting a bit confused on where this is going now.
"Well, my friend there has a sick grandmother who doesn't have health insurance and she is losing everything under Obamacare." She motions toward her friend sitting next to her at the bar.
"I’m sorry to hear that, but it doesn't sound right. Doesn’t everyone over a certain age get Medicare or Medicaid? How old is her grandmother?"
Kate is at a loss of words, so when her friend looks over our way, I ask her, "So your grandma doesn’t have health insurance?"
"What?? What are you talking about?" She replies baffled and leans into our conversation.
"Kate said your grandma doesn’t have health insurance?"
She then whispers something to Kate. It sounded like, what is he talking about? but with the bar packed and buzzing, I'm not certain.
Then, all of a sudden, Kate looks back at me and stands up with tears in her eyes. "I don’t like you talking about her grandmother like that,” she says in an emotional voice and then grabs her almost full Schlitz off the bar and throws it in my face. Tears are flowing down her cheeks as the two girls storm out of the bar while I’m trying to comprehend what just happened.
Hawkeye comes rushing over looking completely befuddled, “Jesus Mike, what happened?”
“I’ve been Schlitzed over Trump and Obamacare…” Is all I could muster out while dripping in beer.
Hawkeye ponders this response and says, “Consider it your baptism into the Ale House.”
“I have to wonder what kind of children we are raising in this country, as I find that when you engage young people in debate about the metaphysics of their statements, ideas or beliefs, an irrational anger often follows. We’ve stopped thinking in critical ways and intellectual curiosity is a rare thing to behold in someone under thirty. I’m worried that this can only lead to society’s failure.”
“Get over it, it’s only beer.” Hawkeye said as he made his way back to his perch by the door.
I dried off, finished my beer and called it a night.
###
