Rudy

I’d been drinking at Rudy’s Bar in Hell’s Kitchen for over seven hours with my buddy Jack.  It’s past 3am.  It wasn’t supposed to be such a long night, but every time we were on our last one, something would happen and we would get “one more for the ditch,” as the Irish like to say.  The last diversion that kept us there was a waitress from Minnesota who came in and sat next to me after her shift ended.  She works down the street.  After a few rounds of drinks with her and some extremely lacklustre and uninspiring conversation, all of a sudden, it hits me- I’m hammered.  I stand up, lean over to Jack, who was talking to some guy sitting next to him and say, “I’m totally ripped.  I’m outta here” and walk out.  I didn’t even wait for his reaction or to see if he wanted to bail as well. 

I stumble onto the street in a drunken fog and instinctively start heading to the subway.  Immediately a black girl starts walking with me and asks me where I am going.  “Home,” I say and keep walking.  I’m just trying to walk a straight line at this stage.  She follows.

“Don’t you want to party with me?”

This surprises me, as it is pretty rare for a girl to come on to me out of the blue like this, so I give her a proper look to try to figure out what’s happening.  All the time, I continue walking toward the subway.  She is wearing sandals, black stretch pants and a tight blouse with spaghetti straps that go over her shoulders. 

“Party?  What do you mean?”  I’m still swimming in the drunk, so things are registering a bit slow.

“Let’s go get a drink together.”

“Drink, no, I already drank too much and it’s way late.  I’m going home.  Sorry.”

“Well, maybe I can come with you to your place and we can have some fun there?”

“Fun?  What’re you talking about?”  I’m genuinely confused now.

“Yeah, I, uh, live in Brooklyn and don’t want to go home right now.  We should party together.  Let’s have some fun.”  I don’t say anything, but start to cross the street, she crosses with me and adds, “Don’t you want a blow job or something?  I’d love to play with your balls.”

“Whoa. You want to give me a blow job?... Are you working now or something?”

“A girl needs to make some money you know.”

“How much would something like that cost?” 

“50 dollars.”

“Umm….Let me think about this for a minute.”  I’m still walking and she remains pinned to my side.  This is a first for me in New York and I’m trying to figure out if it is really happening. 

“I’m Sonia-” She says to break the silence and offers me her hand.

“Nice to meet you.”  I say taking her hand in mine.  However, once I get hold of it, something is off.  While I don’t have big hands, hers is bigger and firmer than expected and her skin is not soft, it’s rough, almost callous.  It’s like I’m shaking hands with baked ham or something.  I stop walking and stare at her close from top-to-bottom-bottom-to-top through my extremely inebriated eyes.  

“What is it?”  Sonia asks.

“Nothing.”  I start walking again and she follows, but I continue to give her a strong inspection with my skeptical eyes.  Also, I’m sobering up fast now, trying to get a handle on the situation.  She senses something has shifted.

“What?  What is it?” she asks again smiling and trying to be cute.  I stop walking.

“Honestly, I’m trying to figure out if you’re a guy or not.”

“Oh- I don’t like the sound of that.  That’s rude.  I think that’s offensive to say such things.”

“I’m sorry, but you asked.”  I keep staring.  Her Adams apple isn’t too visible.  Her shoulders and waist are fairly petite.  I don’t see a bulge where her cock would be- it looks pretty smooth down there.  Her tits are fairly small, but that’s fairly common with both sexes.  Her face, once I imagine it without all the make-up could go either way.

“Come on, let’s go party.  I know a place we can go that’s near here if you don’t want to go to your place,” she says.

I spontaneously touch her hair looking for insights- it’s rock solid and as I lean in to touch it, I catch a whiff of her.  She doesn’t smell clean.

“It’s a wig, but that doesn’t mean anything.  I’m a girl!  Really I am!”  She immediately says once I pull my hand away.

“I don’t know.  I think you should go back to where we met.  I’m drunk and am going to go home.  I don’t want to waste your time.”  I start walking again.

“Oh, come on- don’t say that.”  Sonia starts to follow me.

“I’m sorry, I just think you might be a guy and I’m really not interested.”

“I’m not.  Don’t worry, once we get to the place I’ll show you my pussy.  It is all there.  It’s a beautiful pussy- you’ll love it.  You won’t be disappointed.”

“You know, if you’re not a guy, show me your ID.”  I’m not buying any of it now and the adrenaline from all this madness has finally gotten control of my buzz. 

She freezes for a brief moment, “I don’t have an ID with me.”  She says looking down and away.

“No ID?  Please, don’t waste your time with me.  I’m not interested.”

“This isn’t right.  I’ve walked all the way over here with you.  We are only a few blocks away from the place I know.  Let’s go, I’ll show you my pussy once we get there.”

“You know, no ID, offering sex out of nowhere, this just isn’t for me.  Sorry.”

“What do you need an ID for?”  Then, almost under her breathe, but with some slight vibe of aggression, “You got something against trannies?!?” 

It’s beginning to feel more confrontational now that Sonia sees that her drunken fool of a target is slipping away.  I’m now worrying that she isn’t going to let me go easy into this goodnight.  Luckily, this is New York City and I see a cab with its light on coming down the street toward me.  I stop and turn to Sonia.

“I’m sorry, but I’m out of here.  If you hurry back, you may be able to catch my friend Jack- I left him at Rudy’s and I’m sure he’ll be leaving soon.  He’s better looking than me anyway, and probably more drunk.  Good hunting!”  And with that, I jump off the sidewalk and into the street with my arm held as high as the heavens.  The cab immediately pulls over and I hop in and tell the driver to punch it before Sonia even has a chance to respond. 

On the ride home, I’m a bit riled up from everything and start going over the entire experience in my mind.  Also, as is my nature, I begin to worry about the comment I made sending Sonia back for Jack, even if it was only a joke.  She has no idea who Jack is of course and he is likely already on his way home, as the bar is closing by now, but the guilt of it all gets to me.  I take out my phone and call him.  It rings and rings and then, after some time, a message comes on saying that the “subscriber is not available”.  I start to type out a text message to him:  “Hey Man- I just met a tranny outside of Rudy’s when I left.  She and I—”

My phone rings while I am typing and I see it’s Jack.  Thank god.  I answer it.

“Hey man, I’m glad you called.  I just wanted to-“

“Dude, I can’t talk- I’m in the middle of picking up a girl in front of Rudy’s- I’ll call you tomorrow-” He pushes out in a fast, hushed clip and then, “click”, the phone call is over.   

He hung up before I could get a word in edgewise.  I immediately called him back, but his phone was turned off.  That meant he wouldn’t see my text until he turned his phone back on, which would most likely only be in the morning, so I decided to just let it go and hoped that all would be ok in the end. 

I crashed out immediately when I got home, but thoughts of Sonia and Jack were still with me when I awoke the next day.  That being said, I was hung over and I didn’t have the heart to follow-up on it.  What would it accomplish?  I didn’t even try to reach out to Jack.

Now, I have nothing against trannies at all, live and let live I say, but I don’t like the idea of anyone preying on me (or anyone for that matter) under false pretenses, especially when I’m just minding my own business trying to stumble home in one piece after a proper drinking session.  The worst thing about all this is that I’m not sure if I’m still comfortable getting piss drunk at Rudy’s any longer.  Only time will tell I guess.

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