Urban Wildlife of Chicago and Other Meandering Thoughts…

Urban Wildlife of Chicago

I met a beautiful girl in my Uber pool the other night.  When she was getting into the car, I overheard her saying that she was looking forward to a trip to Colorado to the guy she was saying goodbye to. 

When she got in and we started driving, I said, "so, you're going to Colorado?"

"Yeah, in December."

"Nice, it's beautiful out there; I think you’ll like it."

"Yeah, it’ll be a lot more beautiful than Chicago."

"Really?  I love Chicago.  You don't find it beautiful living in such a diverse and crazy city filled with maniacs and such gun violence?"

"Hah, no I meant Colorado has more natural beauty, nature, animals, you know?"

I thought about what she said for a moment.

"Well, you know, there’s a plethora of natural beauty here in Chicago as well, you just need to look at things differently.  For example, when I drive my car home at night and turn into the alley where my garage is, there’re always a lot of rats everywhere.  Running across the road, in and on top of the garbage cans- that's some urban wildlife right there.”  I paused as she took this in and then added, “Also, in Colorado, you may have a fear of running into bear on a hike, but here in Chi-town, there’s the ever present fear of somehow acquiring bed bugs, so there are some parallels as well."

This line of conversation and thought went on for a few minutes as we drove to drop her off.  Once we arrived at her stop, I was disappointed that she didn't give me her number when I asked her out. 

###

Guest Blogger Inspires Potential Social Gathering

After reading Clown’s last couple blogs on the Geriatric Genius Blog, which I really liked, I decided I wanted to meet him.  From his jovial post about life at the Carling Hotel and his unique tale of harassment at Angelo’s Comedy Night, I’m certain he would be good company full of interesting tales about the vagaries of life and the banter between us would most likely be lively and thought provoking.  So, when I was hanging with the Genius at the Ale House this week, I told him that I wanted to meet Clown. 

"This Clown is really interesting.  I think we would get along well.  He seems to be a true realist with a keen eye on the world imploding around him coupled with an ever present sense of impending mortality."

"Yeah, Clown is a real ripper.  Knocks ’em dead every time."  The Genius said with the pondering gaze of a wounded World War II soldier just after he got his morphine hit on the battlefield.

"I'd like to meet him, can you help make that happen?  He doesn’t come into the bar anymore does he?"

"No, his drinking days at the Ale House are behind him.” 

"Uh-huh…I thought so.  What do you think could entice him to get away from the comforts of the Carling for a night….maybe a dinner party?  If I invited him and Mrs. Clown to one, do you think they would come?"

"I would love to pass on your gracious invitation, but I would suggest that you should make it a guest blogger dinner party.  Invite all of your colleagues from my magnificent blog to break bread and share in jubilation together."

"A guest blogger dinner party huh, that’s an interesting idea.  Let me look into when I could make this happen and once I get a few dates sorted we can send out some feelers.  It’s actually a great idea.”

"I'm not called the Geriatric Genius for nothing.”  The Genius casually threw out while grabbing hold of his Polish martini (Bud Light on the rocks).

"Let’s get through the baseball postseason and I’ll then get the ball rolling on Operation Dinner Party.  I’m sure we can get Pub Crawl to attend, but do you think BuzzKill would be interested as well?  I don’t see him out after dark very often…doesn’t he have a curfew?"

"I'm sure he'll never have known such satisfaction and gratitude as upon receiving your gracious invitation," the Genius said.

To be continued…

###

Uber Subterfuge

Every time I get a cab or Uber with a driver named Mohammed, I always get excited and ask him, "Mohammed?!?  Isn't that an Irish name?"  That usually brings some good natured laughter as we start our trip together.  Then, I start plowing through a lot of questions I have about terrorism, the Caliphate, Assad, and other things unfolding in the Middle East.  Not much laughter follows, but I find the name joke is a great icebreaker that gets the driver out of his shell. 

###

Long Screws

Overheard at the Ale House one night in a conversation between a man and a woman:

“It’s going well, I’m almost done with it.  I just need some really long screws,” the guy said holding his hands apart showing the length.

After pondering his words for a few moments, the woman said, “Me too.”

###

A Different Opinion on the 2017 Cubs

*The following thoughts were included to illustrate the depth of opinions Cubs fans maintain and not as any form of rebuttal.  Every fan has a right to support their team as they so desire.     

The Chicago Cubs hopes for a World Series repeat died in the 2017 National League Championship Series (NLCS), but this is not a time to wax poetic with sorrow and regret, or to shift our disappointment onto others, or throw in the towel and say that we didn’t deserve to even make it to the NLCS (which is gibberish- we deserved it).  One must also acknowledge that a large part of the Cubs fan base is strangely uncompetitive and apologetic and being such, they will continue to be wholeheartedly thankful for the 2016 season and will avoid, at all costs, any analysis of what went wrong in 2017, which, if we are honest with each other, is not very helpful and will only cause the team to dither further from taking the steps necessary to achieve repeated excellence going forward.  It would be a gross understatement to say that the team’s hitting and fielding were lacking during this last series, but I believe the real culprit for this year’s failure lies with unimaginably strange and, sadly, destructive coaching decisions.  I’m sure many fans will ignore Joe’s Maddon’s inexplicable bullpen management and continue being thankful for his dedication to constantly undermine his players so that the Sword of Damocles is always present and ready to fall, but for this lifelong Cubs fan, Maddon will largely be remembered for making mind numbing pitching decisions that made the easy wins a bit more difficult and the hard wins, well, losses.  He is a manager whose pitcher acumen seems to be completely nonexistent while he continually chooses to play favorites with younger and/or subpar pitchers who lack the composure necessary to achieve victory while at the same time, removing the team’s best pitchers while they still had their stuff and were well settled into the moment, and that is how we should remember this untimely end of our season.  So let us move away from the sorrow coupled with false sounds of praise and revisionist history that often permeate through at times like this and try to look at Maddon with the cold, sober eye of statistics and facts.  In short, Maddon’s hackneyed adherence to largely unproven strategies to justify his illogical behavior was the main reason we find ourselves here today.  His one true achievement was that he was able to put a team together last year that managed to overcome all the pitfalls and headwinds his management style could throw at them to achieve a much deserved World Series victory.  It was a risky strategy trying that same level of undermining and mismanagement in 2017, but I have to say, I’m certain that he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Godspeed Mr. Maddon, Godspeed.

###